Every once in a while, an article I write in the Marketing Strategy Brief (a paid subscription print newsletter I produce) hits, and I get dozens of e-mails from members about how impactful it was for them. What follows is one of the recent articles that I received multiple comments on, so I thought I’d share it with you.
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It’s MY birthday month, but I’ve got a gift for YOU.
Sorry it’s not wrapped in an iconic Tiffany’s blue box, but I promise THIS is far more valuable—and I’m going to deliver it right here, right now. Nearly instant gratification.
It’s based on a law of success that I don’t hear many authors, speakers, and consultants giving credence to. Napoleon Hill missed this in his 17 laws of success, even though every single person on Hill’s research list had this in common—Edison, Rockefeller, Ford, etc.
The hundreds of highly successful sports figures, entrepreneurs, celebrities, and leaders I’ve interviewed over the years ALL have this in common. You might even go back into the stories of some of the most successful entrepreneurs of our time to look for it, even if you have to read between the lines of what’s said and not said. Or you can just trust me, it’s there.
Before I hand it to you, I need to preface it first by making sure you understand this truly critical part of succeeding in business:
Success Requires You to Be Willing to Get Covered in SH*T. A LOT of It. Frequently. Abundantly. Publicly.
Elon Musk said in an interview that the reason he’s so successful is simply because he’s able and willing to tolerate a LOT more pain than most people. By “pain” he doesn’t mean physical beatings (although the stress and anxiety of dealing with all the dumbf***ery of running a business is enough to physically age you in dog years and make you feel beat down). He means emotional pain.
The kind of pain that makes you desperately want to quit and walk away from it all. Fire everyone. Burn it to the ground right after telling everyone to eff off.
There’s no way around this. You can’t do BIG THINGS and expect to get everything right and make 100% correct decisions. You ARE going to screw up and make bad choices. Painful, expensive, and INTENSELY frustrating mistakes that will be very visible and public. And some of those decisions may stick with you for a VERY long time, covering you in the smelliest, most vile crap imaginable.
What’s worse than that?
When you make these mistakes, a looooong list of people will be standing there ready to throw rocks and mock you while they roast marshmallows over your flaming carcass. Competitors, employees you’ve fired, advisors who “told you so,” jealous family members, Internet trolls, and people who are supposed to be your “friends,” but say you “got what you deserved.” Even some current employees who depend on YOUR success to stay employed and paid, can and will secretly revel in seeing you “put in your place” or “taught a lesson.”
There’s no getting around this. There’s a price to be paid for success, and this is one of them.
Pushing through this without letting it kill your confidence and resilience is very, very difficult, which brings me to the GIFT I want to give you. You ready for it? No, it’s not Febreze to cover up that sh*t stank clinging to you. It’s better. Here ’tis:
Give yourself RADICAL forgiveness for your mistakes.
“What? That’s it?” you say.
Now, hang on… Don’t be too quick to drive by this one. Clinging to the shame, embarrassment, and guilt associated with the GIANT mistakes you make in your life only acts as HEAVY emotional baggage that prevents you from achieving maximum speed and effectiveness. It causes you to play small, be timid when you need to be bold, and lack self-assurance when you need confidence. It fogs your thinking.
One of the reasons I brought Lance Armstrong to a Producers Club meeting several years ago is to understand how he overcame the massive, vicious blowback he received after publicly admitting to doping. Didn’t matter that everyone else was doing the exact same thing—he was made THE target and the scapegoat for it ALL and paid a massive price financially, emotionally, and reputationally.
Did he deserve it? Obviously, yes, since he broke the rules. But some feel he didn’t deserve the level of “cancel” and penalty he received, especially when other competitors and team members who committed the same crime weren’t penalized as harshly or at all—not to mention the people and companies who made millions on him and suffered zero consequences. Funny side note: I received more hate mail about hosting and interviewing Lance Armstrong than I received by interviewing Sammy “The Bull” Gravano. Go figure.
In my life, I’ve had so many of these “sh*t on my face” moments that none really stands out. But here’s what I have learned over the years from doing dumb again and again—you do what Lance said he did when I interviewed him:
- Lean into true friends and true advocates. They are there, so focus on them, not the haters or dissenters. True friends won’t just “rah-rah” you through. They’ll point out your stupidity but help you work through it.
- Don’t let your health slip. To the best of your ability, get sleep, exercise, and eat healthy.
- You get up the next morning and keep running your plays. Keep doing the things that made you successful. Stick with the fundamentals you know and don’t give up.
Give yourself GRACE and forgiveness for bad decisions. Lance didn’t include that on his list of what he did to stay afloat emotionally, but he SAID it multiple times in various ways.
Real confidence springs from this. Not fake confidence taught through gimmicks like Tony’s firewalk, standing up straight, dressing for success, and standing in front of a mirror repeating mantras. It also doesn’t come from putting blinders on against the disaster waiting around every corner, or from false bravado like, “you got this!!!”
Real confidence comes from going through multiple setbacks and major problems and coming out alive, if not even a little better. It’s securing the knowledge that when a black swan arrives, when something goes sideways FAST or when something goes horribly wrong, you can dig out from the MOUNTAIN of shite shoveled on top of you and climb back out of the hole.
What you believe about yourself and KNOW about your abilities is FAR MORE IMPORTANT than what anyone else thinks or believes about you.
Now, let’s get after it. After all, no one’s getting any younger (especially ME this month).
Related: Sticks and Stones
