The Haze

In my coaching program, I talk a lot about self-awareness. The truth is, self-awareness is hard. It’s hard for all of us and its absence affects every part of our lives. We see it in our relationships, in our decisions and in the patterns we repeat without even realizing it. I get to watch it play out every day in the business leaders I coach.

What’s holding you back?

In many cases, this lack of self-awareness is the very thing holding people back from reaching their true potential. Now, let me say this first: not everyone needs to maximize every ounce of their potential to live a happy, meaningful life. You can live well, contribute greatly, and be fulfilled without becoming the absolute best version of yourself in every area. That’s not the issue.

The issue is when you want your career, leadership, or business to look different. You know you are capable of more. You believe you should be producing better results. But somehow, the outcomes never quite match your expectations. That gap creates stress. It creates frustration. Over time, it can make you feel bad about yourself.

What is “the haze”

I call the thing between where you are and what you could become “the haze.”

The haze is what prevents you from clearly seeing yourself, your role, or your business as it really is. It distorts the path forward. You may want different results, but the route to get there is blurred by the story you tell yourself about who you are, what you are good at, what other people mean, and what is possible for you.

Much of that haze is created by your self-image and the tricky part is it can feel uncomfortable.

It allows us to keep seeing the world the way we’ve always seen it. It makes life feel smaller, safer, and more predictable. Inside the haze, we don’t have to take the risk of trying something new and failing. We don’t have to confront a weakness. We don’t have to have the hard conversation with a long-term employee that the business may have outgrown. We don’t have to admit that the way we’ve been leading, thinking, or deciding may be the very thing holding us back.

In other words, we create the haze to keep ourselves safe.

But while it may protect us from discomfort, it also keeps us from growing.

Why Peer groups can help

This is one of the main reasons I started peer groups many years ago. We need people around us who can help us see more clearly. We need people who are willing to challenge us, question our assumptions, and hold up a mirror. Sometimes they do it gently. Sometimes they do it strongly. But when it’s done with care, honesty, and the desire to help, it can change everything.

Some of the most rewarding moments in my career have been watching the haze begin to lift for someone. You can see it happen. They begin to recognize what has been in the way. They start making different decisions. They feel the energy and thrill that comes from moving closer to their potential. And then, in many cases, they go on to help others do the same.

That’s a powerful thing.

So the next time someone challenges your thinking, pushes back on your decision or questions a belief you hold, resist the urge to immediately dismiss it with, “I know better.”

Instead, ask yourself a better question: Is this my haze?

Related: The identity ceiling